Whenever I play with my cat

Today, the powers of darkness are scaring my poor friends stiff.
(it would be rude and undemocratic to call them my staff. Untrue anyway, as I never pay them a penny, or £ or $$$ )

They're scared of losing their jobs, their hair, their breasts/French chicken fillets, and even their houses. Some weird idea that the Government, whoever they are, will get everybody over 45 to move out and live in a portacabin ?

( Extraordinary idea... I need to think about that one, surely the house in which I live is mine, not theirs ? And where are the boomerang kids supposed to go ? )

My poor sad friends are scared of flying, driving and catching trains. Boats sink, planes fall out of the sky, cars and trains crash. Planes and boats and trains, even if you reach your destination intact, all the other passengers have a deadly virus. Or they're en route to a hen/stag party. Personally, after just one experience of a train-load of drunken hens, last Friday evening, I'd rather take my chances with the deadly virus.

What was I, MagnifiCat, doing on a train, in the company of hens ?
Good question, and, as this is a No-secrets, complete Freedom of Information site, you can have an answer.
Like almost everything Green, the explanation is boring, time-wasting, inefficient and desperately inconvenient. Plus, my poor deluded friends were trying to kill a whole flock of birds with one stone.
(I don't mean the drunken hens. See below...)

The train was a last resort, and this is how it happened. Painfully Green, my friends have only one car. (guess the colour)
My private health care package includes a routine whole-body annual onceover, dentist, and all my jabs/shots, whatever you like to call them.

Was their journey really necessary ? Absolutely essential, I'd say. Taking the Servant of the Living God to visit her personal physician is a privilege and a duty. If you ask me, Green is a short for grief and misery. We couldn't just drive to the surgery, see my doctors ( note the plural) agree on my beauty, then drive calmly home.
Being Green is sheer insanity...

Saving petrol and/or the planet, we squeezed in the supermarket, the cobbler (top end of town, Green means no new shoes. Ever, ever again... )
Then the garage. (t'other end & wrong side of the one-way system)

New tyre ?
I know that look on their faces... I, MagnifiCat, am inscrutable. You can't read my face. I know every flicker, every sigh, every tear. Men in overalls looked at the Green car... They sighed too...

Told you this was boring...

Of course I objected, loudly. You simply cannot let them get away with this kind of thing. He stayed, sick and Green with worry. She carried me to the station. We got on the train. Three stops...Quite long enough, if the train in question is packed to the roof with rioting hens... The train was officially overcrowded. This means ( I listen carefully) that over 30 people were standing in each compartment.
Wild understatement...In the space between two compartments, I counted twenty-three full grown people, elbows in ears, ribs or groins, according to height. A baby was passed to safety, meaning into the actual compartment and maybe 50 more standing. Why on earth didn't they riot ? Pull the communications cord - if there still is one ? I complained bitterly.

A morning that should have been devoted to my personal welfare became a Black Hole of Calcutta/Kolkaret nightmare.
Just above the Siemens logo, near the doors, there's a warning...
Smile, you're on CCTV. Somebody said, Does Jamie Oliver know ?
Not funny, not really... There are very strict rules governingt live animal transport.

I blame all this Keep Calm and Carry On brainwashing. The North Atlantic recession is the result of greed and laziness. WWII ended in 1945. Years ago, visiting their Earthly Paradise*, my friends were amused, bought a few cards.
No longer funny, and, if an alien species is allowed to ask this question, cui bono ?

One mystery... I didn't actually see any hens on the train... Where were they ? People kept saying it was a hen-party... No Rhode Islands, no Wyandottes, no Marans... Two women threw their knickers at us. One wanted to stroke me.
(she won't try that again).
One wore a white veil (but no knickers, or so she claimed ) Two were being sick... Then it was our stop.
Fixing the Green car cost a lot of money and seriously endangered my peace of mind.
* Am I allowed to reveal where this is ? Probably not, so I won't...